Mrs. Featherbottom: Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies

CAUTION: I’m having a blonde moment. Please speak slowly and use small words.

I think I’ve finally come to the point in my life where I’m happy with ...

Det. Baker: I hate my kitchen. Whose going to help me fall in love again

Beer doesn’t make you FAT it makes you LEAN…Against walls, tables, chairs, floors, and ugly ...

It’s bad manners to say “I love you” with a mouth full of lies.

Every positive thing in your life represents a single unique blessing. Every negative thing ...

Reason, progress, unselfishness, a wide historical perspective, expansiveness, generosity, enlightened self-interest. I had heard it ...

Republicans are against abortion until their daughters need one, Democrats are for abortion until their ...

Bubba was my best good friend, and even I know that ain't just something you ...

Pain is your friend, your ally it will tell you when you are seriously injured. ...

Wherever is love and loyalty, great purposes and lofty souls, even though in a hovel ...

Surely those who lower their voices before Allah's Apostle are they whose hearts Allah has ...

It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones ...

A hobby is hard work you wouldn't do for a living.

Irish golfer on becoming British Open champion. Golf tips are like aspirin. ...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Once I have heard the story or joke used twice by other speakers or entertainer, ...