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Humor Quotes

Unknown

Rating - 3 (1 Votes)

The only real diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.

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Unknown

Rating - 3 (1 Votes)

An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh.

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Winston Churchill

Rating - 3 (1 Votes)

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

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Unknown

Rating - 3 (1 Votes)

One of the best things people can have up their sleeve is a funny bone

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Groucho Marx

Rating - 3 (1 Votes)

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

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Henry Ward Beecher

Rating - 3 (1 Votes)

Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins.

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Jack Handey

Rating - 3 (1 Votes)

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and ...

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Jack Handey

Rating - 3 (1 Votes)

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

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Ralph Marston

Every positive thing in your life represents a single unique blessing. Every negative thing ...

Kin Hubbard

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Og Mandino

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you ...

Unknown

I’m not saying she’s a slut, I’m just saying I don’t think she sleeps in ...

Ralph Blum

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead ...

Loesje

Why wait for the weekend to have fun?

Ralph Marston

Every positive thing in your life represents a single unique blessing. Every negative thing ...

Author Unknown

Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. ...

Ralph Blum

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead ...

Family Guy

(Dylan walks in and smashes a vase with flowers against the wall) Peter: (Slightly annoyed) Something ...

Og Mandino

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you ...

Alphas

Rachel: Gary, we're gonna have to run. Gary: No, we just ate you're not supposed to ...

Downton Abbey

Anna: Don't feel sorry for me Mrs. Hughes I know what real love is and ...

Family Guy

Stewie: Say Jillian, I love what you've done with the place. What is it, one ...

Bones

Booth: Important blogger? Talk about an oxymoron

Plato

Excellent things are rare.

Futurama

Tinny Tim: Excuse me, sir? Might I have a sip of booze? Preacherbot: I'm sorry, Tinny ...

Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and ...

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Hilarious, sad, thoughtful or just plain wrong, humor quotes are an easy way to amuse yourself and express your own thoughts through the words of others. How many times have you heard humor quotes tossed around in casual conversation? It's impossible to stay completely current on all humor quotes, but the major ones are easy enough to find. What better way to show how aware you are of the current culture and celebrity than by tossing a few humor quotes into a conversation with your friends? Having a ready supply of humor quotes can also come in very handy in a dull conversation when you need to take the conversation an entirely new direction. Our collection of humor quotes is comprehensive and fun - enjoy them!


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