20 Best Homer Simpson Quotes On Parenting

Arguably the world’s most recognizable American family is the Simpson’s. With nearly 500 episodes and 22 seasons, they continue to fill our Sunday evenings with joy. Most of us gather round the TV with our own family and laugh at all the hysterical antics of theirs.

Being the patriarch that he is, Homer has laid forth quite a bit of knowledge on family and raising children. He may not be the perfect dad but he sure loves his kids, even if he has a weird way of showing it. We all might be able to learn a thing or two from him. Here are his 20 best quotes on parenting.

20.) “No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don’t like their jobs, they don’t go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American Way.”

19.) “OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I’LL KILL YOU!”

18.) “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.”

17.) “I don’t apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that’s the way I am.”

16.) “The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let’s see. Don’t tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do. What else…”

15.) “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.”

14.) “When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.”

13.) “I have to work overtime at work instead of spending time with my wife and kids, which is what I want.”

12.) “Kids are great, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves now-a-days, you know, with the internet and all.”

11.) “Marge, there’s an empty spot I’ve always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.”

10.) “I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.”

9.) “Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.”

8.) “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”

7.) “Movies are the only escape from the drudgery of work and family … No offense.”

6.) “What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. ”

5.) “It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.”

4.) “Remember as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice normal family.”

3.) “Well, it’s 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids. ”

2.) “Kids, kids. As far as Daddy’s concerned, you’re both potential murderers.”

1.) “Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.”

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16 comments on “20 Best Homer Simpson Quotes On Parenting
  1. Scarlett Carey says:

    15 and 18 are the same.

  2. ArchZeal says:

    The first and second comment are the same.

  3. ArchZeal says:

    the first and second comment are the same

  4. jospeh says:

    the third and fourth comment are the same

  5. angela says:

    the third and fourth comment are the same

  6. Megan says:

    The fifth and sixth comment are the same

  7. Blair says:

    The seventh post is different.

  8. Bob says:

    The eighth comment is different but wants to be the same, therefore is having an identity crisis

  9. mynamesnotbill says:

    The tenth post is indifferent

  10. Davi says:

    C-C-C-C-C-C-Combo breaker!!

  11. ginny says:

    i just laughed so hard at all the above comments

  12. pwned says:

    Actually, 15 and 18 aren't the same quote….15 has the word "kids" in front of it.

  13. McSucker says:

    Well played, kids. Well played.

  14. Ary says:

    actually laughed more at the comments than anything else hahahhaa

  15. Anastasia says:

    i enjoyed every minute of this genuinely strange experiance(:
    i now feel discombobulated………………………………………………..

  16. Homer Quotes says:

    I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight. –Homer Simpson

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